I’m afraid of failing. In general, I think everyone is, but now is the most afraid of failing I’ve ever been in my entire life. By moving to London, leaving my job, and using my savings, I’m following my dream, but I’m also taking the biggest risk EVER. Until recently, I did not even imagine there would be a possibility of failing (in this case: if I don’t find a job, use all my savings and have to reluctantly move back home), but I have to be realistic and think of a plan B beforehand. This is only a question of security but it scares me. I’ve put so much thought and planning into my dream that the last thing I want is to consider a plan B. Imagining an alternate life to the one that’s been in my mind for so long feels like torture.
‘How to Fail’, the podcast by journalist Elizabeth Day has been a comfort for me in this thought process. Her guests discuss their failures, celebrate them and talk about how it impacted their lives for the better. “Everything happens for a reason” makes so much sense after listening to an episode. I’m also looking forward to her book with the same title that comes out in about a month, and hopefully it will help me with my insecurities.
21 years old is young. If things don’t go as planned, I still have so much time in front of me to create and achieve other dreams. I don’t know where life will bring me, maybe it will be in my plan A, and maybe I will go in an entirely new direction that I never even thought about (like working freelance or living in a new city). To make sure I succeed, I have to be open to possibilities and work as hard as a can. The rest is out of my control.
My mom shared a piece of her wisdom with me recently. She said “if it doesn’t work, at least you’ll be proud you’ve done it”. And it’s true, regret is worse than failure...
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